I think it’s time to share the full story on my divorce as I know that there are others out there going through my same situation.

As I stated in chapter 2 of My Story that both my ex-wife/partner both shouldered the blame for our split. We ignored some major red flags and forced things to continue because we were so deep in the lies that we told ourselves. We were both afraid of disappointing our parents, had some level of identity crisis, and an overwhelming need to blindly follow in what society claims is right.

Even though we were together for nearly 10 years, the relationship was rarely ever that stable. During this relationship I grew a manipulative personality and my ex-wife/partner had to hide her true identity behind a mask. The last 3 years of this relationship was where everything started to unravel. September of 2018 the final string holding everything together finally snapped.

My ex-wife/partner embraced her true identity, and came out from behind that mask. She is attracted to women and for the first time she has embraced her identity.

When she said those words with conviction, the rug was pulled from under my feet. I didn’t feel hurt by this revelation as I cared for her as a person and wanted her to fully embrace who she is. At my core I’m a very emphatic person and want to help build people up. Yes, this was a major life change for the both of us, but for different reasons. She was now embracing her true identity, whereas I needed to come to peace with myself. Remember for the longest time I was afraid of being perceived as a failure to my parents, even though they would never do that. I was constantly asking myself “why” during this time. Why did I let this relationship last this long? Why now and not earlier? Why me? I won’t lie I did feel pain during this time and as well as some major rejection. I dreaded telling my parents what was going on, but when I told them I was met with love not disappointment.

Once again my personal insecurities proved to be unfounded.

I want to emphasize I was not mad at my ex-wife/partner for coming out, rather I was proud of her for embracing who she is and wants to be. And I wanted to be supportive during this time as her true being unfortunately may bring along unnecessary judgment by others because of her sexuality. I didn’t want to make a woe is me kind of situation, I wanted to be her support as these were uncharted waters that we were both heading towards.

During this time was when I was going through most of my medical testing trying to figure out what was wrong with me. It really sucked having go through all of this without a support person close by. I felt like everything I was starting to unravel, that’s because it was. During this time was when I at worst when it came to drinking. I was drinking in an attempt to calm my racing mind, but that only sped it up.

February and March of 2019 were some of my lowest points. The divorce was finalized in February as well as the news that I likely have cystic fibrosis came shortly there after. March saw me dance with my daemons once again in the dark depths of my mind. These two months would propel me into the complete downward spiral that would see the complete destruction of who I was.

When I look back at the few years I can’t help but notice the evolution that I’ve completed. I’m not mad that everything unfurled this way, rather I’m upset that we ignored so many red flags over the years. But sometimes events like this have to happen in order to teach us a valuable life lesson. During this time my life went from 60 mph to 0 back up to 200 mph in the blink of an eye. Had I’d slowed down and worked through each hurdle rather than putting the pedal to the metal and ramming through everything I may have made to the other side in one piece rather destroying who I was.