Before we start this conversation, I’d like to thank the sponsor of this chapter THC.

Pearl Jam without a doubt will always my one to true favorite band. And Ten will always be one of my favorite albums. Speaking of Ten, the chart topping, Black, will always strike a chord with me. Black tells the story of an individual who is in a one-sided relationship with self-destruction (huh, sounds kinda familiar).

The quarantine lifestyle really dulled the world around me. But this year hasn’t been the only reason for the melancholy. My total downward spiral is the true culprit of my life of melancholy. Ever since college I was walking a path I didn’t want to follow all because society told me this was the only true path. At times I felt constrained to not explore my true self and became a cog in the machine. After hitting rock bottom I knew a change needed to be made. Lately I’ve been reinvigorated with following the path towards enlightenment and healing energy.

For me the world was in color, but not vibrant colors full of life. While I want to lead a more balanced life, however I want my scales to slightly favor vibrancy, rather than idleness. Mindfulness is the wind that’ll create the waves that you can ride into the sunset. Walking in a world of melancholy of just pure existence is tiring on the soul. I’m constantly tense and clenching my jaw.

I used to always joke that I had a horrible short-term memory, and in fact that is pretty much true. There have been plenty studies regarding memory and issues with depression. It’s not that I blatantly forget everything, it’s more of the fact that my brain remembers the negative rather than the positive memories. October 2020 began my evolution to set positive intentions and spread positivity to those around me.

It’s time we set forth positive intentions to pull us from this ink washed world. Because we will have a nice day.

As I’ve mention in prior chapters that September brought me on to the path of enlightenment. October has introduced introduced setting positive intentions in the daily mix. My constant dance with my past was pulling me further down in the ocean. I was drowning in my struggles with depression. Therapy taught me how to swim to the surface and tread water. The path of enlightenment and positive intentions has jumped started my ability to swim.

Today I went the dispensary for the first time today and picked up my medicine. I figured edibles would be the best route for me, because you know the whole cystic fibrosis thing. I started to unwind and decided I should try out these THC gummies to make sure they gave me the needed effects.

Twenty minutes in and “These edibles ain’t shit and then………..woah .” I proceeded to laugh for twenty minutes straight over something a friend said. Dudes, seriously I laughed for friggen twenty minutes straight. I was fully blazed at this point. I then proceed to launch an assault on an innocent bag of Funyuns. My path towards enlightenment has made me aware of the waves around me constantly. For once I jumped up and rode that wave.

Suddenly my world filled with color and good vibrations. I attribute this to my state of mind prior to my flight. Up until this moment I had been working on keeping a positive mindset while moving forward. I didn’t want to accept the negative, but rather seek positivity and progress. I didn’t want to constrain myself the the depths of the ocean but rather the freedom that they possess.

When I sought out my marijuana recommendation, I didn’t seek it as an escape from depression and that was never my goal. I needed way to manage my arthritic pain. The added serotonin and dopamine are certainly a welcomed effect. Also it helped with a few CF related symptoms. Lord knows I don’t eat nearly enough at times, and sometimes I really need help coughing up phlegm. I can see how the use of marijuana can become habit forming, but in reality all vices do that. But I believe a balanced mind will help in regulating habit forming activities. And holy hell my libido became strong like a bull.

I was fluid once again moving to the beat of my own drum. I felt the tension release and how tired my body truly was. The weight of the world was lifted on my shoulders and felt my true self emerge from its cocoon.

Once I started to descend, I switch the music I was listening to from reggae to slow jazz and kept the vibe going. This singular experience taught me to see in color. What was once gray and melancholy is now full of life and motion.

I felt Alive (pun intended, I couldn’t help myself) for once. I’m gonna go hang ten off my longboard and continue riding this wave.

I’ve always have been a supporter of the legalization of marijuana. We’ve evolved to have cannabinoid receptions in our brains so our ancient ancestors were on something. I come from a long line of hippies, so I’ve held the personal opinion of natural versus processed when it comes to the things I put in my body.

I will say, I’ve never been on any kind of SSRI’s for the treatment of depression and I wholeheartedly say you need to seek professional assistance when dealing with prescriptions. Under no circumstances should you ever suddenly stop taking SSRI’s. Be sure to consult with a trained professional when discussing medication.