No I’m not talking about returning back to primordial soup, so Shinji walk away from the Spear of Longinus and let’s not cause the fourth impact (BTW watch Neon Genesis Evangelion like right now, actually no watch it after you finish reading my book). Spoiler alert when I say primordial soup, I mean that we are all one being, but in the form of soup. And to top it off, this soup is Tang orange colored.

Kenshō (見性) and Satori (悟り) are Japanese for “seeing one’s nature” and “comprehension” respectively. This path that I’ve been walking has made me aware of the belief system that was inside me all along. For the longest time I never felt I never saw my inner self, nor did I ever accept the red flags that kept coming up the path I was walking. You could say I didn’t comprehend the message life was trying to tell me. What I actually mean about transcending humanity is, transcending the person who you are right now or more simply put ascending to new personal heights. For the longest time I really never labeled myself with having a belief system (which in it of itself a label if we are being completely honest here, but I digress).

While I was previously not the fondest believer in labels, however I now know that the opposite to be true. Ask not what the label can do for you, but what you can do for the label. No I’m not a record company, I’m just saying that the label isn’t going to accept you, you have to accept the label. Now don’t allow anyone to label you, nor allow yourself to accept anyone’s label of you because that was created out of a preconceived notion.

Pneuma
Reach out and beyond
Wake up, remember
We are born of one breath, one word
We are all one spark, eyes full of wonder

-Maynard James Keenan

I’ve always been drawn towards the Buddhist mindset and how it approaches this thing we call life. Nowadays I’ve added some additional flavors into the mix: Transcendentalism, a dash of Rastafarianism, and a sprinkle of astral projection (rolled a nat 20 on that one). Lately I’ve been working on my acceptance of the world around me. Who I am, what I am, where I am, who I can be, and what I want to be; it’s time to accept these answers and realities so I can become the best version of who Tony is and can be.

I will say that lately I feel as if I’ve had a major breakthrough with these questions. I am the breaker of chains, and the Mot…wait wrong book. I have freed myself from the machine that is society, focusing my energies on life experiences that actually matter. For once I feel as if I am who I want to be and always longed to be. My mental clarity has been through the roof, whether it’s while working on this book or brainstorming the next one.

As of late I’ve been working on shifting my focus from a consumption mindset to one that builds on intrinsic value. At the end of the day our time is limited on this rock floating through the galaxy, and we can’t take our possessions with us at the end. My dad always says “it’s all about the experience” from taking the time to wrap someone’s gift extra special or to simply slow down and enjoy the moment. This simple saying couldn’t be any more true in today’s world. The things I value most in life are the experiences and memories that I share with the people that are the closest to me.

If the most valuable thing you have are memories, you have led a rich life.

Matshona Dhliwayo

As I’ve been walking this path as of late I’ve been wanting to seek a higher ground and a better understanding of the world around me. During my story I spoke of wanting to find peace, but I think now I’d rather find Enlightenment. Peace is a state of mind where as Enlightenment is a state of being. And thus Enlightenment will bring to me to true eternal peace and understanding. This next song is the embodiment of me: metal and buddhism mixed into one. Life is about balance and following the winds that push you.

Due to physical limitations, one of my main sources of exercise has always been Yoga. The practice of Yoga brought me my first real experiences with meditating. As I stated in my story, my third eye has been open, but I truly wasn’t seeing what it could see. From a personal standpoint I have 2 definitions of the third eye. The primary one being the ability to look back at the journey you’ve completed and understanding the wisdom you’ve gained. My second definition would be the eyesight for Enlightenment. For me at least I have obtained this second definition until recently. When I’m medicating, I take a portion of the night to meditate to clear my mind and set my intentions. This simple practice has made me understand why Rastas view ganja as a religious experience. Now that I’ve experienced the feeling of clearing my mind and returning to a place of clarity, I’m able to recall this feeling regardless if I’m medicated or not.

I firmly believe in the power of meditation and how it applies to my mental health. While to the outside observer my story is full of mud and tribulations, I don’t see it that way. I want to remind you that the roots of the lotus thrive where other plants die. My life up until this point was the germination of my roots, building the foundation that would allow me to grow. From these roots a singular bulb was produced, and it blossomed into a pure white lotus. Maybe one day I’ll produce a golden lotus of my own. But what exactly is Enlightenment? At its roots to me, it embodies the true understanding of the human experience. It’s the ability to see forwards while looking backwards at the same time. your past, present, and future all in harmony.

We know this symbol as the ying yang symbol, but the traditional name is the taijitu. Back in my day, this was the thing to doodle in your notebooks at school, along with the “Cool S.” There are many ways you can interpret the ying yang symbol. When we look at this symbol we see a dance of light and darkness in perpetual motion revolving around each other. And within the light we see a hint of darkness, also there is light within the darkness. We are going to have our bad days and our good days and that is ok. You can’t have one without the other and that is a fact. But when we have our bad days it’s imperative we reflect on those days to understand what happened and what good may come of it. Same thing with our good days as well as there may be a potential unfavorable outcome hidden within. This is how I view my failed marriage and my last relationship. The marriage helped both my ex-wife/partner come out of our shells, and realize the life we were living wasn’t what we wanted. The relationship that I was in for most of 2019, stripped me of the identity that I was clinging onto and forced me to evolve into who I’d later become.

We are all human and we all share the same infinite possibilities to accomplish whatever we set our minds on. Within our bodies lies our soul, our very essence that makes us, us. One common theme amongst all religions is our body is our temple, and we need to take care of it. Much like you need to feed your body with sustenance, we also need to feed our soul with good energy. The point that I’m trying to make here is you reap what you sow. If you want to truly obtain your transcended form, you must take care of your temple. Taking care of your body and mind will help keep the vessel of your soul in tip top condition. By following a life journey that was unconsciously engrained into your psyche, you are leaving potential behind. We are on this planet for a short period of time, so we must make the best use of the time allotted to us.

The human experience is one that is holy. One moment we are here and the next one we could be gone. Lately while medicated I’ve been taking deeper dives into my subconscious to really undercover what drives Tony. There have a been a few times where I went to deep (that’s what she said?) and unsealed my personal insecurities and fears. But here is the thing, in order for me to ascend to who Tony can and will be, I have to an gain understanding of these emotions. Besides the fear of being alone, I struggle with the idea of mortality. I’ve danced with mortality on multiple occasions, whether it was when I attempted suicide, received a tough medical diagnosis, or just daily reminders that our bodies aren’t eternal. I’m still working on that understanding, but everyday I get closer to full grasping the wisdom that life has been trying to teach me. Evolution doesn’t come quick, but a steady practice and intention to grow with make it come quicker.

We need to wake up to the world around us. While we are all equal in nature, and no one is better than the other. We must strive to help elevate each other to reach all new personal heights. It’s time to evolve to the next level of humanity. I know this passage is filled with esoteric thoughts and aspirations. But remember, we are but souls on a human adventure.