I’ve Been Through Hell Today

Yes life does suck at time, but remember it’s all about perception. I remember back during March of 2019, one of the things that I would wish for is for something to “just be easy for once.” On the surface the last three years for me have been the roughest to say the least. 2018 – divorce, 2019 – Cystic Fibrosis and self-destruction, 2020 – I got COVID-19 (lovely combo COVID and CF make), but when I look this all now with sober eyes, these are just hurdles for personal growth. If anything I’m just the luckiest dude at being unlucky.

There was a CFer who posted on Reddit asking if anyone else was angry at life. When you have a chronic disease usually that means you are faced with a set of hurdles not many get to see. And yes Cystic Fibrosis is like no other disease out there. I will way that yes, specifically last year, that I was angry at life. That anger wasn’t misplaced, I truly felt my life all of a sudden got even more tougher than it needed to be. There are many in the community who share these same sentiments, we feel as if we are burdens to our family, we hold our loved ones back, we constantly need special attentions, and our physical bodies limit what we can do.

I’ve been through hell today

Good things are bound to come my way

– The Interrupters, Good Things, Say it Out Loud

Now when I look back from today, my eyes don’t see life as being tough. What I see is a series of challenges to make me stronger both mentally and physically. In the “Angry at Life” Reddit post I likened a life with CF with having life set to the “Legendary” difficulty setting whereas other may have it set lower by default. And remember life can always be worse. I’m lucky enough to still hav both of my parents, I have most of my health, and I’m standing on the right side of the Earth. It’s that simple thought that can bring you back to center.

There is only one god, and His name is Death. And there is only one thing we say to Death: ‘not today’

-Arya Stark

As I’ve stated in the past, I’ve had to come face to face with mortality multiple times. Whether it be knowing that one of my medical conditions could turn against me, my previous attempt at suicide, or my current run-in with COVID-19. With my eyes finally clear and my mind focused I say to the god of Death “Not Today.”

Just remember, it could always could be worse. Life at the end of the day will work its way out. Its up to you to face this challenges and tackle them head-on. After you have climbed the mountain that is your journey, you will rewarded with knowing the fact that you have looked adversity in the eyes and conquered the tasks you were given.

Be sure to listen to the song below.

Get to skankin’

Retrospective: Lack of Empathy

As a society how did we get to the current state of affairs that we see ourselves today or should I say why did we allow history to repeat itself over again?

In my opinion we got to this point in time again due to a lack of empathy as a whole. Yes I know opinions are like assholes; everyone has one and some even like to display them in public, so here is mine.

Before we move forward please watch this video.

I think the vast majority of our society confuses trying to sympathetic with being emphatic. This I feel comes from the inability to make oneself vulnerable. Our society has placed value on being tough and not paying attention to one’s mental health needs. By continually suppressing both our emotional and mental health needs, I believe this is a sign of weakness, not strength and toughness. It take a hell of a lot of strength to say “you know what I need help with my depression/anxiety/addiction/self-confidence.” By openly stating that you have these needs, you are embracing that you are imperfectly perfect (borrowed that one Godsmack’s Under Your Scars music video).

Let’s look at it this way. Say you have a rather heavy and awkward shaped box that you need to load into the back of your vehicle do you: A) attempt to load it yourself because you are “strong and don’t need help” or B) realize that it’ll be easier if someone helps you carry the load of the weight? When we analyze the potential outcomes we can see with option (A) you run the risk of injuring yourself, damaging your vehicle, and likely cause long lasting repercussions. Now with option (B) someone helps you shoulder the weight, you are looking out for yourself, and you are engaging with your own vulnerability.

In my previous job I handled escalated situations which were usually caused because the previous rep failed to show empathy to the caller. Empathy and the ability to validate someone’s concerns and emotions are the best tools when dealing with a escalated situations. By expressing empathy you are validating that individual’s emotional state and agreeing in the fact that their situation is real. When you express empathy to a person you help shed the weight that they have been carrying. Now from my experience when you are trying to express empathy word choice is crucial. Never say you “understand” what that person is going through unless you have walked that walk. I will never understand what it like to be the victim of racial profiling, but I can surely appreciate what my friends have had to endure.

Again for far too long we’ve been relying on this “tough” persona as the model that every American should be. I tried being this way, and yes it worked for a period of time, until it didn’t. It worked, that was until I nearly killed myself. It worked, until I suffered my worst mental breakdown. It worked, until I completely destroyed the person I was. The moment that I started to connect to people with my own vulnerabilities the weight was lifted off my shoulders. I became a stronger person, the person I connected to also became stronger as a result of my empathy. We as a society need to rely on each other to make everyone stronger on an emotional and mental health basis. The lone wolf mentality that has plagued us for generations needs to be shed. Yes it is ok to be by yourself, but don’t be afraid to form connections to people.

What I’m trying to get at here is if we really want to stop letting history repeat we need to be real with ourselves. And the biggest component of this is our elected officials (gonna get a little political here) need to cut the shit. Both sides are equally responsible for the shit show we find ourselves in today. Democrats are trying way to hard to be empathetic, see cringe inducing kente clothe kneeling photo (I know the kente clothes were given by the Black Congressional Congress group to Democratic leaders, but come on this is the same stunt the Cheeto did with the Bible). And Republicans are attempting to be sympathetic when in reality it’s more like apathetic (however Romney always floats to the top of the sea of turds and shows that he is capable of human emotion). But we the people can be the biggest component of change.

So how do we fix this?

Simple, you and I need to be better. Let’s build up our neighbor, let’s hear their concerns and act in the best nature for everyone. By accepting your own vulnerabilities you will be a stronger person both emotionally and mentally.

Also we need to collectively we need to redefine what it means to be “strong.” Under the current societal definition of being strong, we are led to believe that ignoring our own mental health needs all while doing the same 9-5 routine it’ll all will work out in the end. However, how can one be strong if they do not acknowledge who they are completely. Not having the courage to face your own needs, what do we call that? Weakness.

Our society’s inability to effectively express empathy is our Achille’s heal (pun intended). I know I was pretty heavy handed in the last few paragraphs with how I am expressing this information. This was intended as I want to challenge the way you think. We will never move forward as a society until we take a good solid look inside of ourselves.