*Editors Note* This in an interactive post, please start the song linked above before you start reading. Once the song starts you can start reading.

I want to first explain the title of this chapter. It’s a nod to the original anime ending of Neon Genesis Evangelion. Neon Genesis Evangelion explores the complexities of mental health and depression. In the final episode the main character Shinji Ikuno comes face to face with his fear of failure and what it means to be human. I highly recommend everyone watch Neon Genesis Evangelion and then movie Evangelion: The End of Evangelion. By the way if you do watch these, I highly recommend the original Japanese audio with English subtitles.

So what have the last few years taught me? Above all else take care of yourself and all will fall into place. This is the one time is it is okay to be selfish.

What lead me down this path? Worrying about what others thought of me and having to live up to likely a preconceived notion that I had to succeed all the time.

What have I learned? Being mindful of my emotional state and living with my depression and anxiety. It doesn’t define who I am, I am in control. It’s ok to a have a shitty day, it’s ok to get anxious at times. These are normal emotions. I learned to understand what drives these state of emotion within me. I’m better at setting my own expectations of myself and above all breathe. Just breathe, your mind is a powerful tool. Remove distractions from your life. Get back to the basics, focus on you. Do what makes you happy. And above all else do not compromise yourself or change who you are because someone doesn’t like it. You are a beautiful individual.

Just remember it get better. Optimism will carry you farther than pessimism will.

The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.

~ FDR

I’m literally the living embodiment of 1 in a million. I have two super rare genetic diseases/mutations, one (CF) is 1 in every 40,000 and the other (HME) is 1 in 50,000. I like to say that I’ve won the genetic lottery. The point I’m trying to make is we are all unique in our own way. You know what’s best for you. I know my gut instinct has never let me down, that was until I failed to listen.

We don’t have flaws. We have features that make us who we are.

Society has made us desire the material, while pushing us further and further away from what really matters. You matter, we all matter, and never let anyone determine your worth. In a world filled with chameleons trying to fit in with the rest, stand out among the rest and be true to you. Live because you want to, not because someone it telling you to. Our time on this rock floating through space is limited and we need to make the best it.

When I set out to tell my story, my goal was to heal my body and mind from the trauma I put it though. But now that I’ve put it out into the universe I hope that’ll it reach someone who may be in the same shoes as me and I can offer them a ray of hope. Just remember just because someone maybe happy on the outside, you do not know what goes on behind closed doors. One more idiom just for good measure, grass isn’t greener on the other side, its most green where YOU water it.

Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die today.

~ James Dean

And we have reached the end of Volume 1 of my story. So were I go from here? Well of course I move forward. Soak in the music, allow it to guide you to a place of peace within yourself. From there you will be able work on your own self-reflection. Learn from the past to better the future.